My Reply to THE CHANGE

My friend Thaddeus posted THE CHANGE and I wrote a long reply to his post. Instead of posting the message on his comment board, i decided to post my response to my blog.

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I read this post and I could not rest until I responded to it.

I mean no disrespect whatsoever to your friend and the misfortune he has experienced in life thus far, but I am speaking from personal experience - if he doesn't appreciate what he has today and recognize that through it all, he is still standing and he is a conqueror through some bad stuff, he will never have a "happier" life.

I say "happier" because that which made you happy yesterday no longer works today, and that which makes you happy today will not apply in the future. "Happy" is always evolving.

Your friend is mired in a "woe is me attitude." He is so focused on the bad in his life that he doesn't know how to recognize and appreciate the good in his life.

He called you and dumped all of his problems on you because he knew he could. Yes, it is wonderful to have someone you can call in the midnight hour - and he is very blessed to have you in his life - but after all he has been through, he should appreciate he still has the strength to be here to talk about it. Now, he needs to find the strength within himself to want to create the life he truly wants to live.

My first question to him would have been, "What do you want?" It would be asked in a considerate way, to help him actively engage his mind and stop wallowing in self-doubt and pain. And, I would have pressed him for a specific answer, not some nebulous response like "I want to be happy."

After he answered that question, my next one would have been, "Why?"

Things changed for me when I stopped praying for what I didn't have and started being thankful for the blessings I did have.

Your friend is going through a lot of pain and he does not know how to manage it. I read that in all we do, we are constantly pursuing pleasure and avoiding pain. One thing helped me greatly - I changed my thinking and my attitude to one of gratitude. I thanked God for the good things in my life, like having a fully functioning body with arms and legs, the ability to digest food, go to the bathroom on my own, see, hear, touch, smell, get an erection. I actually thanked God for my problems. All of them. They enable me to handle more responsibility. I once complained that my knees hurt because I had to walk everywhere since I don't have a car. Then I saw a homeless man in a wheelchair with both of his legs amputated. All that walking helped me lose 25 pounds I needed to lose. There is ALWAYS something to be thankful for, even in the midst of your lowest moments in life.

If your friend cannot find one thing in his life to be thankful for, he should ask himself "why do I want to live?" Most people will not agree with my logic, but I know this works from personal experience. When I stopped looking for external reasons to live - my mom, my nephew, my friends - and started looking for my INTERNAL reasons to live, things began to improve for me. Today, I know why I want to live, and it isn't for anyone else but MYSELF. He needs to be brutally honest with himself, because if he does not KNOW his reason for living, he will find a reason to end it.

I accepted every personal shortcoming and thanked God for those too, because I now know myself better and I can learn how to live the life I want to live. And before I knew it, those "unanswered" prayers were answered. Some of the answers I did not like, but I thanked God for the answers because once I received the answer to my prayer, I was ready to accept the truth.